The Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon

The Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon

Hi Kids!  Today we are going to talk about a very serious topic...drugs.

It’s no secret that drugs are bad for you.  They are illegal, unhealthy and expensive.  Of course, that isn’t going to stop people from using them, but just because someone else does something doesn’t mean you should too.  Even if they can make you see or feel something completely out of the realm of ordinary, the long and short term effects can be devastating.  

Besides, there are plenty of ways to experience what its like to be high/tripping/rolling/etc. without risking your health.  One of those is to play “The Mystical Ninja.”  The best way I can imagine this game’s development is that a team of folks at Konami hacked the source code of Super Mario 64, ingested one or more types of some unknown illicit substance, watched a documentary about Japanese culture and made a video game. And, despite all of its technical flaws, its an awesome one.

I talk constantly about how personality can make or break a game.  Mystical Ninja exudes personality from every corner of its world, from its bizarre storyline to its quirky characters to its good natured lampooning of Japanese and Western culture.  Everything about it is ridiculous to a spectacular degree.  The dialogue is hysterical and even though the translation is shoddy at times, it almost works to the games benefit.  They even have a studio TV style laugh track for some of the more irreverent dialogue.  There is no pretentiousness here, just a wonderfully oddball game that owns its ridiculous premise.  

How ridiculous?  The game starts with Goemon getting kicked out of a store in his hometown of Oedo after his associate Ebisumaru attempted to get a discount by wearing a “sexy outfit.”  As Goemon begins to explain to his scantily clad friend why that might not have been such a good idea, a UFO shaped like a giant peach appears over Oedo castle and blasts it with a beam of light.  To the utter shock and sheer horror of the townspeople, the palace has been transformed into a (Gasp!) European style castle.   We soon learn this is all the work of the evil Spring Breeze Dancin’ and his associate Kitty Lilly, who want to turn all of Japan into a giant stage.  So yeah, whoever came up with this had to have been on something.

The best way I can describe the gameplay is a combination of Super Mario 64 and the N64 era Zelda games.  The control scheme, combat and platform jumping echo the former.  You make your way through Japan, fighting enemies, solving puzzles and taking on plenty of jumps along the way.  A attacks, Z ducks, Down C switches characters, Up C your special ability and Left C switches weapons.  Most of the enemies are fairly easy to defeat, but its always rewarding to take them out.  The platform jumping has its share of negatives, which we will get to later, but overall its just fine.  The biggest thing is that the game doesn’t punish you harshly for failing, the worst case scenario is you take a point of damage and start from the beginning of the room.  Overall, control is a little lose but its very functional and at least responsive.

In terms of layout, the game plays more like the latter.  You will visit towns, gathering clues in each as to what you need to do next.  The towns are connected by field areas, which have their fair share of enemies.  The meat of the game, though, comes from the five castles, which serve the same purpose as the temples/palaces/dungeons in Zelda.  They are long, expansive and filled with challenging enemies and platforming sections.  I found all of them to be very well designed and laid out.  They really nail the balance and difficulty curve, something that a lot of games I have played recently struggle with.  There are also segments where you play as the mechanical giant Impact (complete with his own theme music and everything) to take on massive robots.  These are fun and add some variety to the gameplay, although they are a little too easy.  

The game features four playable characters, each with their own unique weapons and abilities.  Goemon and Ebisumaru are joined by the robot ninja Sauske and the kunoichi Yae, with the player controlling one character at a time.  Switching is done seamlessly with the push of a button and each character has something to offer.  Goemon can hook onto blocks with his chain pipe and has super strength, Sauske can jump high and throw bombs, Yae can swim under water and Ebisumaru can shrink to fit into tight spaces.  The game really makes use of all the character’s abilities and they are all fun to play as.  You do share a life bar and no one does any more or less damage to enemies, so there is a bit of sameness there.  The only real difference is Yae can slice enemies in half with her katana, which is cool.

It isn’t the longest game, but Mystical Ninja does offer a fairly large world with lots of places to go.  This can sometimes lead to getting lost, but fortunately the NPCs in the game are extremely helpful.  I find NPC dialogue to be a frequent problem in RPGs and adventure games.  There is a delicate balance between telling the player what to do next without being too blunt or cryptic.  This game is great in that regard, as townspeople give helpful hints without outright saying “go here next.”  If that isn’t enough, you can visit the in-game fortune teller who will give you a better hint for a small fee.  A lot of games have something like this, but I can honestly say Mystical Ninja is the only one in which I found it useful.  Also, the fortune teller’s shop is further evidence that whoever programmed this game was high out of their mind.  

There are definitely flaws here, most of which are technical in nature.  It’s very clear that despite being a Konami game, Mystical Ninja lacks the polish of its bigger brothers, Super Mario 64 and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.  The graphics are generally great, but there is a lot of clipping and tons of pop up.  You find yourself seeing through walls quite a bit.  And that almost works to your advantage, as the camera is certainly the single biggest flaw in the game.  It gives you some really, really terrible angles that can make some of the platforming sections brutal.  It also makes it difficult to hit enemies, particularly with ranged weapons.  To my knowledge, you can’t control the camera at all, which compounds the issue.  At least it will eventually reorient itself, but you have to stand still for that to happen, so even if you get the camera where you need it to be you have still slowed down the pace of the game.

There are other flaws that are far less problematic.  There really should have been more enemy variety.  The ones that are there look pretty good and fit the game’s aesthetic, it just needed more.  This stands out even more because all of the locales are unique and full of personality.  I mean, one of the castles has you making your way through a submarine filled with random food related things.  They thought enough to have shallots floating in the water (which is hilarious) but couldn’t program some more enemies.  I also think your health bar is a little too big.  You can take a lot of hits in this game and with the lack of enemies, there aren’t all that many opportunities to take damage.  It takes quite a bit of the challenge out of the adventure.

That said, none of those flaws can overshadow what I think is a hidden gem.  The quirky humor and engaging characters, coupled with the outstanding music and unique graphics make this a truly memorable experience.  There are some technical flaws, but they don’t have too much of an impact on the experience.  It isn’t quite the level of the top level first party games and the humor certainly isn’t for everyone, but I liked it a lot.  This is the kind of game you just don’t see anymore. A bizarre cross between an interactive sitcom and a drugged up fever dream of a bunch of programmers at Konami shouldn’t work, yet it does.  Play this game instead of getting high because remember:

9.25/10

Play this game if:

You are a huge fan of 3D adventure/platformers

You are a fan of quirky humor

Avoid if:

Comedy in games isn’t your thing

You can’t handle the camera