Was the Virtual Boy Really That Bad?

Welcome to the first installment of "Was it Really?" one of the new series' I want to start doing regularly this year. I've ranted about this before, but I find like the gaming community, both gaming related media and gamers themselves, believe in absolute truths about beloved or hated games. There's no room to deviate from the commonly held opinions that permeate the industry, whether it be about an individual game, console or event. My distaste for this mindset was half the reason I started doing this whole thing and why I want to start doing deeper dives on stuff like this.

Which brings us to the Virtual Boy. Released in the summer of 1995, the Virtual Boy was a massive commercial flop and a rare mistake by Nintendo. It's a 32-bit system, part of the 5th generation along with the PlayStation, Saturn and Nintendo 64. It promised an immersive experience for players, using a parallax effect to create the illusion of depth. What it delivered was red monochrome graphics that you had to look into a weird viewfinder on a stand to see. Nintendo promised big and delivered small, or so the story of one of history's most hated consoles goes. But was it really that bad?

I don't think so. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to try and argue that the Virtual Boy was a good console, because it wasn't. It was an incredibly stupid idea and anyone that was around at the time could have told you that monochrome graphics on a console would have been an instant non-starter in the gaming climate of the mid 90's. It was poorly designed, it looked goofy, having the power button on the controller was a problem and there were a grand total of zero ways to comfortably play it. It was poorly marketed, Nintendo tried to sell it as a portable system when it certainly was not, and overpriced at $180. It was poorly timed, the PlayStation was churning and burning, the Saturn was still very relevant and the Nintendo 64 had already been announced, making the Virtual Boy easy to skip. However, the one thing it did get right was critically important: almost all of its games are good. 

None of them are great mind you and only 14 came out in North America.  But of those 14, only one of the games is straight up bad. The rest range from good to very good, with one standing out as a true hidden gem. Honestly, none of them are enough to overcome all the flaws outlined above. But this is talked about as one of the biggest abominations in gaming history and I don't think that's the case. I had way more fun playing Virtual Boy games than I ever did playing anything on any of the other lousy consoles I've spent time with, including the Atari Jaguar, Game.Com, Phillips CD-I or the (shudders) R-Zone, even if I had ended up with dry eyes and a sore back afterwards. Since there's only a few games, here's some quick reviews:

Wario Land: An absolutely underrated game, it's typical Mario/Wario goodness, just in red and black. It's got a surprising amount of depth and great action throughout - 9/10

TeleroBoxer: It's a first person version of Super Punch-Out, but with giant robots. Probably makes the best use of the unique controller and 3D effects, and I find it the easiest on the eyes - 8.5/10

Jack Bros.: A sort of action RPG/dungeon crawler, this game is actually set in the Shin Megami Tensei universe. Again, good quality and fun, though it really could have gone on any old console, it would be cool to see this re-made in color for a more modern console - 8.25/10

Vertical Force: A good, solid, straight up shoot em' up. Nothing more, nothing less. It's very well done, though again, it could have literally been on any console - 8/10

Panic Bomber: See above, but replace "shoot em' up" with "puzzle game" - 8/10

3D Tetris - This took me a while to figure out, but I got it eventually.  I really wish you could move the camera, but once you understand what's going on it's a unique and interesting take on Tetris - 7.75/10

Mario's Tennis - It's a tennis game with Mario characters. It's a good time and a lot of fun in short bursts, though I wish it had more to offer, like leagues or character special moves. It's a bit difficult to see the ball sometimes, but a good effort overall - 7.5/10

Galactic Pinball - It doesn't break any new ground, but it's a solid virtual pinball game. I especially like that the shoulder buttons control the respective flippers. Nothing to write home about, but not bad at all - 7.5/10

Mario Clash - It's the original Super Mario Bros. game but with 3D elements. It was fun in the 80's, it was fun in the 90's and its still fun today, though it goes on waaaaaay too long, especially given the issues with eye strain the system can cause - 7.25/10

Red Alarm - It's a 3D space shooter/flight game with wireframe graphics. The controls are solid and it's fun when you get down how the game works, but sometimes you will find yourself trying to fly through walls that look like openings. Really could have used some more texture - 7/10

Golf - I had some fun with this, but this is really where the library starts to fall off. The functionality is limited and playing a full course on this thing is a nauseating proposition. Not horrible, but there are definitely better golf games out there - 6/10

Virtual League Baseball - This is basically the NES/Game Boy version of baseball in red and black. It's almost impossible to see what's going on when fielding, though the pitching and batting interface is adequate. No licensed teams or players is a deal breaker though - 5/10

Nester's Funky Bowling - It's literally just bowling. At least it's functional, but it's really not worth your time - 4/10

Waterworld - This game is garbage. It has no redeeming qualities and while being on the Virtual Boy didn't help, it would suck no matter what console it was on - 2/10

So yeah, I think the games are pretty solid. And isn't that the most important thing for a console? Of course it is! That said, none of these games are life changing and none, sans Wario Land, are really worth going completely out of your way to play. A lot of these games could have gone on literally any console and the better ones tended to eschew the Virtual Boy's "features" rather than embrace them. That doesn't change the fact that they are good games though and even the bad games on the console aren't that bad. Except Waterworld, that one is awful.

So, is the Virtual Boy bad? Yes, yes it is. There's no way around it, there were just too many design, technical and conceptual flaws to make it worth anyone's time. But is it THAT bad? I don't think so. It's not the Super Nintendo or N64, but it at least offered solid games, even if it offered them in the least intuitive way possible. When talking about the worst consoles of all time, I go a long way before listing the Virtual Boy, largely based on its small but solid game library. Don't believe me? Go play one of the CD-I Zelda or Mario games and then, after you finish puking, go play Jack Bros. or Mario Clash. The difference is night and day.

In short, you could do a lot better than the Virtual Boy. But you could certainly do much worse. It may be big, ugly, awkward and bizarre, but this misfit console doesn't deserve all of the hate it gets.